One Step
by Marie Writer
Summary: SPOILERS! What if things had been different when Holder moved in for the kiss? What if she had kissed back? What would have been different from that moment on? Would Linden still have made such a horrible decision at the end of season 3? "What do we do now?" - "We take it 'One Step at a Time'." Rated T to be safe. Again - Spoiler Warning: Finish S3 first if you haven't already.


_I am completely dissatisfied with Linden's decisions, I mean frankly through the entire series, the last straw was almost when she rejected Holder but I figured, "Hey, there's still time for them to make up..." but then - THEN she just HAD to shoot and kill her psycho boyfriend!_

Warning: You should have a good comprehension of the last episode (10) of season 3, "From Up Here/ The Road to Hamelin". There's a lot of scene jumping, mostly the most significant scenes that involve Holder/Linden/Skinner. Where there's a break,that just means everything in between, for the most part, is the same as what actually transpired in the show – you'll see. I hope you enjoy it! (Hope I didn't scare you away – just give it a try)

_Needless to say..._

_**What if Linden made a different decision when Holder went in for the kiss?**_

X.x.X.x

Holder sighed, blowing out smoke as he did. He was so tired... so exhausted. Everything was upside down and inside out! What was he supposed to do? Then suddenly, _she _was there... by his side. Re-assuring him that everything was okay... that it wasn't his fault? How? _How _could he believe that.

The irony wasn't lost on him either, this time it was him at rock bottom and needing comfort.

"No, don't do this to yourself." She scolded, leaning closer to him... so he could smell her. "It wasn't your fault... it's not your fault." She repeated over and over.

Suddenly, as she rested her hand on his forearm and leaned closer... he needed it. Needed _her._ So he went for it.

The sting of rejection was so raw it cut to his gut, making it twist in tighter knots that he already had... she had barely moved... just enough that all that happened was a slight bump of their heads. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Sorry- I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay, it's okay..." They both felt awkward. She knew how vulnerable he was right now, she knew because she had been there. Sighing, she put her hands in her lap awkwardly, she _wanted_ this... but the idea of taking advantage of him now... it just wasn't right – he was in a relationship for gods sake!

_Or did they break up?_

Looking up at him she felt her heart constrict, he was in so much pain. Now he was adding embarrassment to his torments emotions. "Holder, listen to me..." He looked over and the dullness in his eyes was so much worse than she'd ever seen in anyone. "Oh Holder... no." He was sitting up, he looked like he was going to be sick.

"I'm sorry..." At this point even Holder wasn't sure what he was apologizing for anymore but it didn't matter, as Linden watched him come apart at the seams she couldn't refrain from offering him the comfort that she knew he needed. Yes he was vulnerable... and she didn't want to hurt him later if it blew up in their faces but –

Linden frowned as she watched Holder's strength fail him and he finally broke down to tears. Wrapping her right arm around his shoulders, her left hand on his thigh she gave him an awkward side hug. _Oh, Holder..._he was so tense... shaking and broken. She pressed her lips to his shoulder and left a small kiss on his skin before just lingering there – bating her breath as she waited for his reaction.

"Linden..." he whispered and tilted his head towards her a bit, he was still shaking slightly with stifled sobs.

"Holder, everything is going to be okay." As she said the words she thought about what "everything" was. Everything was what they've been through, all her mistakes and trouble she'd caused them. Forcing him into all the shit they had to put up with... him in the hospital took the cake though, followed closely by putting so much pressure on him to get her out of her messes. _Psych ward, ring a bell Linden? _"Everything is going to be okay." She repeated, more to herself, things could only go up once you've hit rock bottom, right?

He let out a shuddering sigh and she tightened her grip on him. "I should have picked up-"

"Don't do that... Holder." She turned her head so that she was resting it on his shoulder now. "Don't do that to yourself." _Do you wanna end up like me?_

"What am I supposed to do?"

She paused and turned her head again to pressed another gentle kiss against his shoulder, stalling her answer, "Don't blame yourself..."

"You're one to talk." He scoffed and bent his head towards hers when she turned again to rest on his shoulder. They shared a short laugh and both tried to breathe easy.

"I really am sorry, Linden." He said, his voice raw with emotion.

"Holder..." She shook her head and sat up to look at him, forcing him to lift his own head. Pivoting so that she faced him fully she tucked her leg under her and put her cigarette in the ashtray. "It's okay... everything is okay." Holder took one last drag of his own smoke before following her actions, blowing out the last puff of smoke to the side.

"N-no... no... I just-"

"Holder," exasperated that he was still fretting over something that she wanted in the first place – she pushed forward in the couch and pressed her lips to his, cupping his face with her hands.

Both of them pulled away in shock, Holder's eyes were wider than usual, seeking her face... signs that this was really what she wanted – Linden copying his actions. "L-Linden..."

"Holder... I don't want to hurt you." She pulled away, suddenly realizing just how much damage she could have done to their relationship.

"We-" He sighed and shook his head. "Linden, I..."

"This isn't a good idea... is it." Linden mumbled, Holder just sat in silence and bowed his head, fidgeting the way he does when he gets nervous. "I mean we're both so-"

"I nearly died today, nearly had a heart attack when I h-heard you... when I saw what he was d-doin'..." He reached over with a shaking hand and touched her chin to get a better look at her new, future, scar that went along her jawline.

"You saved me... just like you always do." She whispered and leaned into his touch.

"Well, you know... You're my _ride, _Linden." He smirked and she let out a soft laugh, her smile reaching her eyes. She curled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his left arm around hers.

"What are we gonna do, Holder?" She whispered and shook her head gently.

He took a deep breath and released it in a hurry, "One step at a time, Linden." He looked down at her as she turned her head up slightly to look at him. "One step at a time..."

X.x.X.x

Linden walked around the car and smiled up at Holder when he walked on scene, "I like your new," she gestured at him, "look." She finished her compliment, by pointing up and down his figure. "New... thing.."pointing out his new jumper, "and you shaved... kind of..."

"Yeah, gotta look good, these days..." He smirked and winked at her and she smiled, one that reached her eyes, full force.

"Oh, yeah?" She shifted her eyes to see if anyone was paying attention to their 'flirty' conversation, "Whatever happened to that suit you were wearin'?" She shot back with a grin of her own, walking around to the left side of the vehicle to get a better look at the body – as though looking at it again would give her a a better idea of the sex.

"You like a man in a suit, Linden?" He asked, coming around the other side of the car to peer through the broken, right, rear window. She rested her hands on the edge of the car and bent over so that she could look at Holder, quirking her brow. "1-900, knows what she _likes_." He laughed.

Linden just shook her head before starting up on the case, "-can't tell the sex of the vic yet, coroner is on the way."

X.x.X.x

"Skinner, you gotta call I.A."

"I will – Jesus, Linden!"

"Then do it! Why did they take him in? We must be close... Only Reddick, Holder, you and I knew about their-" She sighed and looked away, "'incident'. So when Reddick knew we were closing in he must have-"

"Will you stop, Linden?! All these conspiracies! Jesu-" he paused and ran a hand over what was left of his hair, "You used to be a loyal, _thorough_, detective!" He shoved more clothes into his suitcase, nearly stalking back and forth between his bed and dresser. "Do your job but do it the right way."

Linden rose her eyebrows and shook her head, "I'm sorry you feel that way." She started to tuck the pictures, their only real lead on Adrian, into her jacket pocket.

"Linden, wait... wait wait..." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him despite her brief resistance she complied but kept her distance. "I'm sorry, okay? I've just been under a lot of stress, what with the divorce-"

"You didn't say there was a divorce-"

"It's recent." He said and stepped closer and she resisted the instinct to step away. "Linden, I'm just so lost... but you and I – we're the same."

She shook her head lazily, "No we're not..." She whispered, feeling strange about their conversation - feeling threatened.

He nodded and forced a strained smile on his face, leaning forward slightly. "Yes, we are."

When his lips got but a hair breadths away she spoke up, "Call I.A." she demanded in a whisper and he stopped just moments before pressing his lips to hers.

"Do you one better." He said and stepped away, his frustration rolling off of him. "I'll drive us both to the station and talk to them myself." He forced a smile that was so forced she could have mistook it for a scowl.

She refrained from rolling her eyes but nodded and forced her own smile, trying not to squirm out of her skin when he pushed past her. A week ago she would have bet her life on her re-attraction to him but now that she's been with Holder... she couldn't be more disinterested.

As they descended the stairs the front door open and she felt the urge to throw her head back and sough in frustration. Now she's seen as the bad guy... _again._

"Well isn't this... _nice._" Soon to be Ex- Mrs. Skinner remarked, stalking into the house with their daughter, Bethany, right behind them.

X.x.X.x

"He's in the trunk." He motioned carelessly to the back of the car.

"Open it!" She nearly screamed, her voice wasn't her own... she wasn't in the right mindset. She was shaking so much... she knew she couldn't keep this up.

"Maybe I shouldn't have killed him."

"No!" She cried her hand was trembling so bad she could barely keep it aimed straight. _Nooo! No! No no no no! _"Open the trunk, _open it!" _

"You just moved in too fast, you're too _good-_" He made abrupt gesture in her direction and she flinched. "-at your job!" He sighed and ran his hand over his hair again. "What am I supposed to do..." He looked around distracted. "Y-you're the only one who knows..."

"You're delusional... unhinged..." She muttered, "I don't even know who you are..." She said slightly louder. _Holder... please find me. _"Holder knows-"

"Nooo, he doesn't." He patronized. His fist pounded on the trunk and she jumped, instinctively putting her finger on the trigger.

"James..." She shook her head and took a step back, her eyes wide and her breath shallow. _Holder..._

"Shut up – _shut up_!" He was getting frantic, his movements high-strung, at best. Suddenly he lunged at her and she gasped and pulled the trigger, falling back as the weight of his body collapsed on her. She laid prone under his body. "James...?" She gasped, and tried to push up on him but her arms were pinned under his chest – she had no leverage. "James... are you alive?" She knew the answer, his breath was tickling her neck, he was alive. "Get off me," she grunted. "-please."

"_Linden_!" Holder shouted, _please don't be dead please don't be dead! -  
_

"Holder!" She called back, straining under the weight of Skinner's limp body. Feeling the warm blood seeping through her layers of clothes made her squirm more. "_Holder_!" Her voice broke as she tried again to get enough leverage to lift his body off of hers.

"Jesus!" Holder stumbled down the hill to her left and skid to a stop beside them before rolling Skinner's body off of hers. After Skinner was handcuffed, Holder crawled back over to Linden's shaking form, leaving Skinner lying on his stomach with his restrained hands behind him, she'd yet to sit back up."L-Linden? Linden!" He took her face in his hands, "Linden l-look at me!"

Blinking she looked up at him and frowned so deep it looked like her face would crack, "H-Holder..."

"S-Sarah... you hurt... did he hurt you?" He was shaking as he ran his hands up and down her arms and to her stomach where there was a deep red stain. "God, did he shoot you?"

"No-No... I shot him... it was an accident... in self defense." She looked past his hands to look at the still limp form of Skinner. "_Is he dead_?" Her voice was small, barely qualifying as a whisper.

Holder frowned and barely made a move to go check, "You're sure you're not hurt..." he looked her up and down again.

"Ye- Adrian is in the trunk!" _How could I forget about Adrian!?_

"No, no!" Holder held her face between his hands again. "We got him, Reddick found him at his mother's grave. He's safe." He shook his head before pulling Linden into his arms, "Skinner never had him- Adrian ran away." He smirked and ducked his head, when she stopped looking at him, to get her attention. "You were right about him, about Adrian, he's a runner."

Sighing, Linden nodded in relief. "We have to call this in..." She nodded towards Skinners body. Holder nodded before moving forward to press a passionate, relieved, kiss to her lips which she returned. "You found me..." she whispered against his lips. "You always find me." She shook her head before pressing her brow to his.

"I will _always _find you..." He whispered.

Linden's eyes fluttered shut as she clutched at Holder's jacket, using him as a touchstone to her own sanity. "We need to do this," She pulled her phone out of her pocket.

X.x

After the call they moved into the car and drove, hoping to meet the ambulance half way – save time and possibly save Skinner. "What's goin' to happen now?" She muttered, shaking her head before leaning it back against the headrest. Putting her hand on her forehead she suppressed a groan, her headache was getting worse – all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and hibernate until the case solved itself.

"We make a case..." He looked over to his right to look at her before looking back at the road. "Did he tell you where Kallie is? Where the other girls are?" He squinted his eyes then looked to the back seat where Skinner sat up with his chin touching his chest.

"No," she whispered and rolled her head to look out the window at the trees flying by, it was so dark it felt like they were closing in on her. Like she was trapped, she always felt trapped. She looked back to her left and stared at Holder's profile, he didn't make her feel trapped, and the realization made her smile. Briefly she looked at the dashboard, they were well over the speed limit but it was an emergency. If Skinner died - she looked behind her to where Skinner remained - those girls would never be found... and he would never serve his time.

"We'll get it- his confession... we'll find 'em." He said after a beat, nodding but not looking over to her.

She reached her hand over to his and pulled it into her lap, rubbing small circles on the top of his hand. "I know..." She smiled, it barely touched her eyes but it wasn't forced and Holder appreciated that. Turning his hand in hers he intertwined their fingers, offering his own smile. "One step at a time."

"One step at a time." He confirmed with a nod, turning back to the country road where the street lights started. The trees seemed to recede, no longer entrapping her in darkness. As they went over a hill she could see the red and blue lights in the distance – a whole line of blue and red, police and the ambulance. They were going to make it... everything was going to be okay. Even if it was a slow process... everything would be okay.

All they had to do was – she looked back out the window, squeezing Holder's hand – _take it "one step at a time"._

X.x.X.x

_Little OC at the end and super cheesy ending but I had to go with some sort of theme. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to leave a comment of adoring praise OR constructive criticism OR both!_

_I just finished season 3 and was super shocked at Linden's rash decision. My heart broke at Holder's reaction and that only made me more upset. _

_Anyway, can't wait for season 4 – also if you have any information of the airing date for that, please let me know! I can't find any information except that Netflix bought it and have intentions of putting it up. I just don't know when!_


End file.
